Saturday, 14 June 2014

The Unknown ~ Motherhood

With less than 4 weeks to go to me becoming a mammy, I find myself with so many different emotions: 
Fear of the unknown 

I have seen so many of my friends become parents over the last few years and I could always imagine the excitement - they all make it look so easy!! But only now do I know how it really feels. 

The unknown always carries with it fear, questions, uncertainty. I ask myself every day the same questions:
Will I be a good mother? 
Will I bond with my baby as soon as I see him? 
Will I know what to do when we go home from hospital? 
How is my life going to change? 

Now with a few weeks to go, this fantasy is becoming a reality with each kick, with every ante natal class and with every trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night! 

From this point on, everything is unknown - when the baby is going to come, where I'll be, who will be with me, going to the hospital, how long I will be in labor. For someone who is terrified of a bit of blood and a small needle and more times than not, have ended up on the floor after seeing either, you can imagine the fear inside me for what is to come! 

Ante natal classes and yoga teach you how to breathe, how to focus your mind on other things but you never really know how you're going to react until you're in the situation. I imagine I will be such a treat to all around me! 

Apart from working, house hunting and getting ready for the new arrival, I have been taking my mind off the more serious matters by doing a little (a lot) of retail therapy. Etsy has done extremely well out of my credit cards this past 2 weeks and my shopping cart is still 26 items full! Ooops! 

With a few weeks to go - am I ready to become a mammy? I think so but who really knows?! 

Finally... Having woken up again after another massively broken nights sleep - one massive unknown ~ HOW do all of you pregnant ladies/ mommies fall asleep at night between everything going through your mind and the fact you have a giant watermelon for a tummy? And then, once you fall asleep, how can you avoid the 7 trips a night to the bathroom? Any advice appreciated!!! 

And now while I'm getting kicked from the inside, I will go and write in my diary and tell my baby what he's been up to the last few days in there. 

Have a lovely weekend!